Staying Gold
by GrayOldPonyboy
Summary: Weeks after the deaths of his friends, Ponyboy is having nightmares. Maybe what he needs is someone to talk to. One-shot


**I did for Sara, man, I did it for Sara!**

**All characters come from the mind of S. E. Hinton, not my own.**

_The church was on fire, the flames climbing higher and higher up its scorched walls. Johnny was still inside; Soda could hear his dying whisper:_

"_Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold."_

_Johnny's words sounded oddly sinister. Ponyboy could see him inside the church, but no matter how hard he strained, his feet refused to move any closer to the burning building. Ponyboy could not save him. There was nothing he could do._

"_Stay gold, stay gold, stay gold."_

_Dally was there, standing directly in front of him. His cold eyes stared at nothing, not truly seeing anything. Suddenly, bullets seemed to rain from the sky, hurtling towards both of them._

"_Stay gold, stay gold, stay gold."_

_The bullets were so close…_

"Help!" Ponyboy sat bolt upright, now awake in a world where he was not in danger, but the sense of terror still lingered. He realized he had shouted aloud. Had anyone heard him? He also realized that sweat and tears were mixing on his face, and he tried futilely to wipe them away.

His bedroom door swung open, and the looming silhouette of Darry towered above him.

"Ponyboy! What the hell's going on? Are you okay?" Ponyboy tried to suppress the feelings of embarrassment and dread that were washing over him. Darry wouldn't understand his dream, Darry wouldn't care…

"I- I'm fine," said Ponyboy, trying to sound sure of himself, but hearing the tremble in his voice. "Don't worry about it. J- just…bad dream." Why couldn't Soda have come to check on him instead?

"You sure as heck don't sound fine. What did you dream about?" Darry persisted

"I don't want to talk about it with…where's Sodapop?" Ponyboy thought he saw an expression of hurt fall across his brother's face, though he couldn't be sure in the dark. He immediately felt a little guilty.

"Soda's not here. He's out with Steve. Shoulda been back a while ago, actually." Now Darry looked worried. This news, along with his brother's anxious expression, did nothing to help Ponyboy's sense of dread._ Soda's always home late_, he tried to reassure himself; _he's probably fine._ _Probably_.

"I just-" he blurted suddenly, not really knowing where to begin, "I can't stop thinking about Dally…and- and Johnny." He cringed; it hurt to say their names out loud. He didn't think it would ever stop hurting. "They've been gone for over a month now. How can they be gone? We were supposed to a gang, a family, always together. If they can get taken away from us, who knows how many bad things could happen?"He was babbling, he knew. More hot tears threatened to pour down his face. _Don't cry in front of Darry_, he thought forcefully.

Darry was giving him a strange look. Ponyboy longed for Soda to be there instead, to hug him and tell him he knew exactly how he was feeling. Soda would tell a joke to make Ponyboy laugh, and then stay with him until he fell back asleep.

"And right before he…left, Johnny told me to 'stay gold.' How am I gonna do that, Darry? How can I stay gold when all I can think about is that for all we know, another one of us could die tomorrow!" Even to his own ears, this all sounded childish and absurd, but it was how he truly felt. "And now Soda still isn't home, and for all we know he could be dead! I don't' want to lose anyone else, Darry. I don't want to lose _you_."

He gave up on trying to stop the tears from flowing . He simply cried, feeling stupid and waiting for the impatient reply form Darry, telling him he was being ridiculous, and to go back to sleep.

Then two strong arms wrapped around Ponyboy, and Ponyboy heard a cry that wasn't his own, and then he was hugging Darry back, both of them sharing the sorrow they had kept inside for weeks.

Finally, Darry let go of his brother and looked him straight in the eye. "Pony, I'm not gonnna lie to you. You're absolutely right. One of us could be gone in the blink of an eye. But are we really gonna spend our days worrying that something terrible will happen? We can't know what'll happen. The best we can do is stay gold while we can. I know that ain't much, but maybe it's enough."

Ponyboy wiped his eyes, feeling as though something heavy was being lifted off his shoulders. And of all people, Darry was doing the lifting. Johhny's voice still echoed in his mind, but it wasn't as menacing as before. Instead, it sounded encouraging:

"_Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold."_

It wasn't much, but maybe it would be enough.

The sound of a door creaking open came from downstairs, then a muffled greeting. Sodapop was home.

**Thanks for reading, everyone! I'll give you a cookie if you give me a review! (Imaginary cookies are the best kind.)**


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